Thankfulness

The purity of simplicity, lost in the murky depths of daily toil, arises to meet the light of this day. The heart and head disagree on running farther today. With the head at bay, the heart begins to speak.

First, it speaks to the light, drawing it over the rough construction of man’s world. Then it quiets the roaring call of humanity. The heart then slows the anxious breaths and finds a way to sing.

The notes drift through the trees, drawing my eyes up to the dancing rays of sun above. Most days, I work with eyes downcast, forgetting the beauty around me. I may look from side to side, but I can never get the full picture if I don’t look up. With my face drawn towards the sun, my eyes linger on the clouds as my heart begins to coax them shut.

With eyes closed and heart singing, I breathe. Then, I listen. The one I know so well and forget so easily is moving through the trees. He’s caressing my cheek and holding me close. Close to His creation, close to His light. With the frozen air that escapes my lungs, I feel alive. I am electrified by the life that is in this place. It’s the place where only we are. A moment in time that gives over to nothing and that no one else may enter.

Now, like a symphony, my life sifts back through this dreamscape. I hear voices speaking truth and hope that give life to the dullest days. I see the memories of tears and laughter that only love and strength can carry. I feel arms around me that have reminded me so often that I am not alone. And then my own tears begin.

I find myself thinking back to the last time I stopped like this. The last time I gave Him a chance to answer me. It’s been far too long since I let Him help me. He who has always fought for me. He who stands b$y, waiting for me to turn towards him.

Today, I am thankful that He has waited for me.    

Friendship isn't Easy

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Friendships never remain static; even for how well we think we many know each other. And the changing dynamics can be hard to deal with. Growing up was never supposed to be easy, or necessarily fun. Change happens, so how do we remain strong, anchored, or whatever it is that we’re supposed to be? Change in a friendship could have to do with schedule changes or a conflict of interests. As the friendship changes, one or both of these people may be re-evaluating just how healthy this friendship is. But, at this point, it’s already too late. Attachment and dependency has formed. In trying to take a step back, the tug-o-war has begun. The person attempts to get the friendship back to where it was, but is trying to redefine it at the same time. So on the one hand, they will communicate the changes they need to make, but on the other, their actions say that they want it to be the same as it always was. For the friendship to workout the person must decide which direction they want it to go, follow through on that, and then be willing to accept that it might just not go according to plan. The biggest thing is to address it when it starts to happen. Be honest, be open, be vulnerable. Believe me, it’s way the heck harder than it sounds.

This is exactly the type of situation where a person will try so hard to keep a grasp on what’s going on, but the tighter they grasp, the quicker it seems to get out of hand. Here is where we all the sudden remember that God can help us handle the issue. But we’ve already done the damage. Not always just to the other person, but to also to ourselves. So now what? Start over, ask God for an iron will, and pray for healing before it happens again.

Ephesians 4 and Colossians 3:12-14 lays out some things pretty well. Striving for the things laid here will help out any friendship. 

Elijah

Life seems to take over everything. And I mean life in the sense of decisions, relationships, our work... any external interaction. I do not think of life as having a negative connotation. Life is... life is everything to us. It's an all encompassing word that expresses vitality, excitement, possibility, grandeur. But, it's also the blanket term for the tedious daily tasks, the struggles, everything that's outside of our control (and yet still, somehow, controlling us).
Facing my last semester of college, I look back and see how far I come. The first semester of dealing with life changes and becoming victorious over depression worse than I'd ever known, to now... having learned so much more about who God is, and what He is in me. I have discovered my calling, stepped forward in it, and learned what Kingdom work really is. And I have so much left to learn. I have my whole life ahead of me. Sorry for the cliche, but it's true. I've lived probably less than a third of my life. There's a ways to go.
I was reading 1 Kings 17 tonight, thinking about Elijah and what he went through on his journey working for the kingdom. God had a specific calling on his life. He was obedient and followed it. He even sat by the brook of Cherith, being fed by the Ravens. It may have been easier making that decision, knowing it was for his safety from Ahab. But, he was fully trusting of God and did as he was told. What a difference it would make if we just did what we were told. I am challenged by Elijah. I believe there will be a desert time in my life soon. It's not an exciting thought, and it's not a welcoming thought. But, seeing how God cared for Elijah, I am reminded that God will provide. That's a given, but here's what's more... It will test my faith, save me from damaging experiences, and prepare me for what's next. I am willing to go through anything for that safety, training, and growth of faith. To stay in my comfort zone would never give me any of that. I've resolved to set out to that small stream that might dry up, to live in a cave that might not be comfortable, and be fed by God's kingdom. I may have apprehension, and my heart may waiver, but God stays true even when I do not.

Light on a Hill

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a [f]hill cannot be hidden; 15 nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a [g]basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 4:14-16

Tonight while I was talking to God I had a thought based off of these verses.

Sometimes this is the way I envision life. Climbing upwards everyday, everyday learning how to better serve God. And as we strive, we will reflect more of His light. I'm not saying we should strive to climb the hill so that everyone will see us. Instead, we climb so that we can reflect God to all those around us and below us. If we can find a way to reflect that light, we will come closer to Him and become more like Him.

When we turn around and start reflecting the circumstances surrounding us, and especially the things behind us, we don't reflect much light. Keep looking up, keep looking forward, and God's always right there.

Chin up, you've got this.

Seek the Kingdom

We're so caught up in the "What if's" and the "Why's". What about the "How's" and the "What's"?
It's my last year of school and I'm finding myself wading through those murky waters of self-discovery and everything that accompanies an unclear future. I try and learn all I can for the "What if's" that might come my way. But that's only a lack of faith. Self-discovery is good, to a certain point. But at times it seems to become a celebration of self. I still haven't found which possibilities are concrete and which are dreams. I'm still trying to define my own dreams, let alone discover the concrete possibilities that God has for me.
I still always come back to building towards the Kingdom. It's all Kingdom work. Even the parts where you're unsure and you can't seem to find the time or place that fits you. The Bible says, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33) Usually the rest of the chapter is forgotten. Shortly before that verse, the chapter talks about anxiety and having faith. We are called on to practice our faith according to God's calling, to seek out righteousness and to serve. The things we seek out on earth can benefit us little in the long run. Everything is short term.

When I read this, all my anxiety about where I am and where I am going seems pointless. How is it adding to the treasures in heaven? How can I add to the treasures in heaven? It says to seek the kingdom, and God's righteousness. Romans 14:17 says that the kingdom is of "righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit". That peace and joy may mean being still before the Lord and finding that contentment that He calls us to. It is a gift He wants to give us, but are we prepared to slow down and receive it? Righteousness is used throughout the Bible in terms of what is ethically 'right', an attribute of God, a state of cleanliness, truthfulness, salvation, and justice. In other words, to seek righteousness out is to seek out God's character and the morals that He sets out for us in the Bible.

It all seems so simple. It may not feel simple. But we tend to overcomplicate things. Draw your focus to God and center it there. Bury yourself in the word, even when it doesn't seem to be speaking to you.
You'll find the Kingdom, you'll discover righteousness. You'll begin to let God put the pieces together for you without even realizing it.

Drifting

I've dreamed of times like these
Imagining the feeling
Of catching a glimpse between the trees.

Like sunlight between the clouds
Remembering there's still a hope
Even while I'm lost amongst the crowds.

To Sway the Acts

To sway the acts
Of daily life
Is the least of its effect.
For deeper within,
It rests.
It is love.
Sadly, for being human,
It is often set a-sail,
A sailboat on an ocean.
Driven by wind,
Or swept by breeze,
It seeks quiet,
In a bay,
Where the anchor of peace may complete it.
But like a foundation,
It must be strong.
It only has yet,
To reach it’s strength.
To become an island,
A land guided by sun,
The truth.
For this, my heart longs.

But with each drop of water,
The waves seem to sweep away,
This purest emotion that belongs,
Only to You.
The search is on.