Friendships
never remain static; even for how well we think we many know each other. And
the changing dynamics can be hard to deal with. Growing up was never supposed
to be easy, or necessarily fun. Change happens, so how do we remain strong,
anchored, or whatever it is that we’re supposed to be? Change in a friendship
could have to do with schedule changes or a conflict of interests. As the
friendship changes, one or both of these people may be re-evaluating just how
healthy this friendship is. But, at this point, it’s already too late.
Attachment and dependency has formed. In trying to take a step back, the
tug-o-war has begun. The person attempts to get the friendship back to where it
was, but is trying to redefine it at the same time. So on the one hand, they will
communicate the changes they need to make, but on the other, their actions say
that they want it to be the same as it always was. For the friendship to
workout the person must decide which direction they want it to go, follow
through on that, and then be willing to accept that it might just not go
according to plan. The biggest thing is to address it when it starts to happen.
Be honest, be open, be vulnerable. Believe me, it’s way the heck harder than it
sounds.
This
is exactly the type of situation where a person will try so hard to keep a
grasp on what’s going on, but the tighter they grasp, the quicker it seems to
get out of hand. Here is where we all the sudden remember that God can help us
handle the issue. But we’ve already done the damage. Not always just to the
other person, but to also to ourselves. So now what? Start over, ask God for an
iron will, and pray for healing before it happens again.
Ephesians
4 and Colossians 3:12-14 lays out some things pretty well. Striving for the
things laid here will help out any friendship.
